By now you have probably asked yourself how these delectable finger foods have any relevance to one of the best pitchers in baseball. Well my friends, the answer is incredibly simple.
Dirk Nowitzki. And Sig Hansen. And a Rookie of the Year debate that lasted 2.36 minutes because of said Pizza Hut Cheese Sticks.
I know, I know. I can’t wait to explain it as well.
First, let’s start with the RoTY debacle. My friend, The Snowman ( A round caucasian male who is only missing a carrot for a nose to be mistaken as the real thing) and I were at Pizza Hut not too long ago. As our appetizer arrived, we embarked on this topic that usually lasts for most baseball fanatics a good 10 to 20 minutes. He was upset that Marlins left fielder Chris Coghlan won over the Pirates’ CF Andrew McCutchen, who he thought did better overall throughout the season.
I didn’t disagree, but when The Snowman speaks, you listen. He is a bright fellow, to say the least. Blessed with not only the gift of gab, his knowledge is vast and makes many people look like Bill Belichick on a 4th and short situation ( I HATE the Patriots. Not just because they cheat, but because Tom Brady is severely overrated and Belichick is the biggest female hygienic device in all of sports. But that’s for another blog.)
He starts talking about how Coghlan’s numbers dropped in the second half as he plows into a cheese stick, when something amazing happens. The conversation more or less went like this:
Me: So, what about McCutchen? How’d he do? ( I don’t follow RotY because, frankly, I just don’t care.)
Snowman: (Silent as he eats and checks his Blackberry)
Me: (Awkward silence) ….Well?
Snowman: Uh, what?
Me: What about McCutchen?!
Snowman: I don’t remember.
And that’s about it.
I’d like to believe the cheese sticks hold some sort of agent that causes neuron degeneration imbued with its yummy goodness just to create situations like these. More research is needed though.
And now, Roy Halladay.
I have proof that Halladay is a clone experiment to bring the world entertainment. After years of toiling through countless websites and magazines and TV programs, I have discovered a plot may be at foot. Or at hand. You get the idea.
Here are the findings of my research thanks to The Snowman.
This, my brothers and only friends, is what I call the Sigroydirk Experiment. Its obvious now that the truth has come out that whatever masterminds hatched this plot has only one thing in mind, complete world domination. They want to bring fantastic entertainment to us through the wonders of genetic manipulation. Take Sig Hansen, captain of the Norwegian and star of Deadliest Catch. He comes with a tough European disposition and a dry humor that makes us all want to sail out to the Bering Sea in January and hunt for Opilio crab. I know I do.
Then there is Dirk ( A.K.A. Dirky Dirk as he is known in the Euro rap circles, if I’m not mistaken) Nowitzki. Also coming from a strange European land, he stormed onto the NBA like a viking to a village. Without the rape and pillage, of course.
I’ll look into it.
And finally, Roy Halladay. With a devastating sinker and a changeup that makes you look just plain goofy, he’s considered one of the best pitchers to come around in a while. Regardless of what team you love, watching him pitch is something all can enjoy, and in fact, do.
On that note, I shall wrap up this segment of Carpe Diem with something you all will enjoy. Here to get you in the Christmas spirit, is a lovely rendition of O Holy Night.
David Anthony Rufo